tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3758837393326370542024-02-18T22:53:04.743-06:00 Is it True? Is it Kind? Is it Necessary?Blog Posts by Trey Trotter, LMFTAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-65296277230875206762014-07-18T14:39:00.000-05:002014-11-11T19:11:35.179-06:00"To Be or Not to Be… A Creative Way to Instill Self-Confidence,
Discipline, and Fortitude in Your Children"<div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwQfmNxy8kW2qDiygt_-F_ke_P1mjDSeuvqgrP_77wbV9W-TjvBEXj6X0cZU3UCS7FGhuRHWbUwQ7pgLf_I0t7ZK-K4ILE0NakPI4gSCWLjhEyQsBX8kuMa_1wbgRvkUDazSAJw5WKnev4/s640/blogger-image-944881739.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwQfmNxy8kW2qDiygt_-F_ke_P1mjDSeuvqgrP_77wbV9W-TjvBEXj6X0cZU3UCS7FGhuRHWbUwQ7pgLf_I0t7ZK-K4ILE0NakPI4gSCWLjhEyQsBX8kuMa_1wbgRvkUDazSAJw5WKnev4/s640/blogger-image-944881739.jpg"></a></span></div>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br></span></div>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: medium;">Taking part in community theater can be a major growth opportunity for children. Recently participating in a play proved to be a profound experience. The children involved in the production gained valuable skills in three major areas of life: self-confidence, discipline, and fortitude. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: inherit;"><i>The socio-psychological concept of <b style="border: 0px; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">self-confidence</b> relates to self-assuredness in one's personal judgment, ability, power, etc.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">At the beginning of play practices, the actors were involved in several </span><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); font-size: large;">warm-up </span><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); font-size: large;">exercises that proved to be</span><span style="font-size: large;"> skill-building in terms of confidence. These activities required the child actors to speak loudly and quickly, to pay close attention to what was going on, and to be deliberate in their actions. Additionally, the</span><span style="font-size: large;"> director allowed the actors to have input into developing their characters in the play. Because of this, it was quickly apparent that a</span><span style="font-size: large;">ll the children, including the shy ones, began trusting their judgment. The children became more and more confident in their abilities as the director continued to incorporate their suggestions. The children seemed encouraged and began trusting their abilities even further as practices continued. All these engaging experiences during practice </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;">brought a fun, creative and lightness to confidence-building. It was really amazing to watch the transformation in the children's self-confidence levels!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><a href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/_/dict.aspx?rd=1&word=self-discipline" target="_blank">Self-Discipline</a></i>: </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><b><i>Training and control of oneself and one's conduct, usually for personal improvement.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Play practices occurred almost nightly for a few hours during the first part of summer. This left very little time for typical summer activities including boating, vacationing, etc. Yet as</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> the play gained momentum and as the children made new friends, </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;">the children grew more enthusiastic which in turn correlated with growth in their discipline levels. The children seemed to realize that they were a part of something bigger than themselves; their fellow actors depended upon them to be there (if one of the actors missed practice, another actor would have to read his/her lines.) The children noticed and commented on the impacts of participation levels on their "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synergy" target="_blank">synergy</a>" with their fellow actors. This accountability correlated with their discipline. The children also had opportunities to gain self-discipline as they had to be quiet when other actors were acting and as they had to be patient while waiting to act in their scenes. Through team and confidence building exercises, and through the interdependence that evolved between the actors, the children developed a strong sense of teamwork and discipline. Though there were time and social challenges, the amount of self-discipline cultivated in the children was astounding! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><a href="http://m.dictionary.com/d/?q=fortitude" target="_blank">Fortitude</a></i>: </span></div>
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<span class="st" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-size: large; word-break: break-word;"><i>Mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously: </i></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We had an excellent director. She was respectfully direct with the children and gave constructive criticism. After her first initial corrections, and after the children got over the shock and embarrassment, the director would not allow time for self-pity. Instead she kept working with the children by encouraging and pushing them to keep going. The children would repeat their scenes over and over and weren't allowed the option of giving up; they started getting it right and became increasingly proud of themselves. </span><span style="font-size: large;">The children kept plowing ahead and worked through the director's corrections. The process of constructive feedback, which sometimes was difficult to hear, could have lead to the temptation to give up. But the children didn't. The director truly believed in every child's ability to work through their challenges, and it showed. The children responded very well to her direction. Additionally, the director taught the children to "stay in character" whenever they made mistakes. She also taught them to <i>make something </i>out of the mistakes they made. Through all of these processes, the children persevered. They discovered that although things didn't always go smoothly, they had the mental and emotional strength to keep going. The other actors were also very supportive which added to the positive momentum of the children's fortitude.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In sum, the entire theater experience taught the children positive skills for their development, including self-confidence, self-discipline, and fortitude. The children l</span><span style="font-size: large;">earned </span><span style="font-size: large;">how to speak and act in front of people, including live audiences, which required a lot of self-confidence. They learned discipline and teamwork through attending and participating in play practices. They learned</span><span style="font-size: large;"> fortitude as they learned </span><span style="font-size: large;">the importance of forging ahead when they made mistakes, how to make something out of the mistakes they made, and how </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;">to take and implement constructive criticism and feedback. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This is an experience that will undoubtedly change the children for the good. They will hopefully take these lessons and apply them in their own lives as they mature. For anyone looking for a creative and fun way to help children gain valuable life skills, get them involved in community theater. Shakespeare once said, "To be or not to be…" If your children need help with self-confidence, self- discipline and fortitude, give them the opportunity to "be" and to develop these skills through participating in community theater! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This article is dedicated to Director Kelli Graves, Stage Manager Ryan Brown, as well as the amazing cast and crew involved in the production of </span><span style="font-size: large;">Bob Perry's "<a href="http://www.thebrokenstatue.com/" target="_blank">The Broken Statue</a></span><span style="font-size: large;">." Thank you for giving all of the children a safe and encouraging place to grow and to gain valuable life skills!</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-45861216446003982942014-02-06T16:32:00.000-06:002014-02-06T15:21:45.782-06:00Welcome to my Blog!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: x-large;"><strong><span style="color: lime;">WEL</span><span style="color: red;">CO</span>ME <span style="color: lime;">TO</span> <span style="color: red;">MY</span> <span style="color: #f1c232;"><span style="color: blue;">BL</span></span><span style="color: lime;">OG</span>!!!</strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong style="color: blue;">My hope is that by reading my blogs you will gain some useful information in mastering </strong><strong style="color: blue;">life's problems. My blog posts will cover a variety of topics, including relationships, marriage, divorce, anxiety, ADHD, conflict, communication, and many more topics. My writings will also offer some insights into my style as a therapist. </strong></span></div>
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<strong style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">Please understand I take my work <span style="color: red;">very, very </span>seriously. When I use humor, keep in mind I am not making light of any past, present, or future client's situation. I work in an extremely stressful profession and I use humor at times to neutralize the somber nature of my work. </span></strong></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><strong>Also, in my blogs, I sometimes give examples of clients' stories with whom I have worked with over the years. I have taken <em><span style="color: lime;">GREAT</span> <span style="color: lime;">CREATIVE LIBERTY</span></em>, (changing names, gender, ages, story lines, etc.), to protect my clients' privacy. </strong></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><strong><em>I am very lucky indeed. I do what I love and I love what I do.</em> </strong></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNTmz-BDiztQm47_DeWq8DNGnvUYlsKWjQv5TKC00lmoDK_tbq-ee_ODu8yW9Ar-kIqx-ZQHCaVhkA0hqbrqz0E-evbYv6Uj8vd5hEniatVVPuPXrDIJJfXgke-BFPFfG1IUv51lTVUZIC/s1600/be+who+you+are.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNTmz-BDiztQm47_DeWq8DNGnvUYlsKWjQv5TKC00lmoDK_tbq-ee_ODu8yW9Ar-kIqx-ZQHCaVhkA0hqbrqz0E-evbYv6Uj8vd5hEniatVVPuPXrDIJJfXgke-BFPFfG1IUv51lTVUZIC/s1600/be+who+you+are.jpg" height="257" width="320" /></span></strong></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;">Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice. She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Marriage Counseling</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Pre-Marital Counseling</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Anger Management</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Emotional Regulation</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Stress</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Anxiety</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Depression</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Aging Issues</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Infidelity</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">ADHD</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Reconciliation Therapy</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Family, Adolescents and Children's issues</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">LGBT</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Communication Issues</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Conflict Resolution Difficulties</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Mediation</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Parenting Coordination</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Custody Evaluations</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Adoption Home Studies</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Visit Ms. Trotter's website at <a href="http://www.treytrotter.com/">http://www.treytrotter.com</a> for additional information.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-17954065986064141482013-08-19T09:08:00.001-05:002014-01-27T08:39:06.447-06:00The Toad: Embracing & Keeping Your Own Judgment<p style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1em 0px; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxZB4VYx3EYaEQyRP3XKlLNazpZ-Urxe6VpXIQjEQRPzW_Vj5tRf9jFBQe7CXwT0onCGVObBj7xdkv2NjZrVkJQtFd1PsGhkPj-FWCxpO886PuTXifI6kRQ_L24r35ZUrKLpbmxcrCw22U/s640/blogger-image-1320319146.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxZB4VYx3EYaEQyRP3XKlLNazpZ-Urxe6VpXIQjEQRPzW_Vj5tRf9jFBQe7CXwT0onCGVObBj7xdkv2NjZrVkJQtFd1PsGhkPj-FWCxpO886PuTXifI6kRQ_L24r35ZUrKLpbmxcrCw22U/s640/blogger-image-1320319146.jpg"></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">My favorite cartoon is the classic Warner Bros. cartoon, "One Froggy Evening." One day while at work, a construction worker finds a box and inside it was a frog. Michigan J. Frog. This was no ordinary frog as he had a top hat and cane and began to sing and dance for the construction worker. With hopes of getting rich, the construction worker takes the frog to a talent agent in an attempt to exploit the frog and his talents. But during the meeting, Michigan J. Frog only sat on the talent agent's desk and croaked. Throughout the cartoon, the frog sings and dances for the construction worker when he wants to, but sits and croaks when the construction worker tries to exploit him. The construction worker goes insane and broke and Michigan J. Frog continues doing as he pleases. </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">Michigan J. Frog got it right. He knew who he was and did not allow the construction worker to control him. He stayed true to himself and only sang and danced when he wanted to. </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">I think of the clients that I have worked with over the years who have suffered from their blurred boundaries and controlling relationships. Most likely without realizing it, these clients allowed other people to gain control of their thoughts and thus, their behavior. Michigan J. Frog escaped the influence of the construction worker by having a very strong sense of who he was. If you think about it, it took a lot of guts for the frog to first sing and dance with a top hat with a cane, and second, to resist the direction of the construction worker who found him.</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">So what lessons can we learn from Michigan J. Frog? First, always be aware of your inner voice. And second, if that little voice has doubt, don't do it, don't say it, and don't blindly trust it. If you wake up one day, and wonder who am I? Watch this little cartoon… it will remind you you are unique just as you are and to always stay true to yourself. </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">The words of Stephen Crane truly drive this point home:</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);"><i>"Think as I think," said the man, "or you are abominably wicked. You are a toad." "I think," I said, upon reflection, "that I shall be a toad." </i></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 35px; line-height: 44px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice in Tulsa & Ponca City, Oklahoma. She has been conducting counseling with individuals, couples, children, adolescents, and families for approximately twenty years. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a webcam, smartphone, laptop, or tablet. Visit her website at www.treytrotter.com for additional information. </div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"> </div></div><br>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-24116863750773446102013-07-30T11:37:00.000-05:002017-09-20T15:52:11.457-05:00The Stuffers vs. The Trigger Tempers... Part 2 of 2~ Taming Trigger
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Have you ever been so mad that you blacked out? A sort of "tunnel vision" prevails and you might hear a roaring in your ears? Your heart pounds, your palms sweat, or your teeth grind? If so, you are most likely a very passionate person and you lead with your emotions instead of your head. You may have a trigger temper and this article is for you!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In my first article in this series of two, <a href="http://www.treytrottersoffice.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-stuffers-vs-triggers-part-1-of-2.html" target="_blank">"The Stuffers vs. The Trigger Tempers... Part 1 of 2~ The Antidote to Stuffing</a>," we discussed that the antidote to "stuffing" your emotions is to learn how to assert yourself in uncomfortable situations in a respectful, responsible, and consistent way. This article will discuss how to manage explosive tempers.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Years ago I was working the protective order docket at a courthouse and I heard a person testify, "Judge! I can't help it! When she pushes my buttons I see red and it's over!" I had the opportunity to talk to the gentleman after the hearing. I asked him what he noticed happens to his body when he gets upset. He replied that he starts clenching his fists. I told him that the next time he and his spouse argue to notice when his fists clench, and at that very moment to enact some sort of anger management skill. He said he would by taking a time-out and leaving the house next time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The first important point to this story is that your emotions are intertwined with your body. When stressed, your body produces chemicals such as <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/epinephrine" target="_blank">epinephrine </a>and <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/norepinephrine" target="_blank">norepinephrine</a>. As a result, you may notice that you begin to experience physical changes like flushing, paling, prickly sensations, numbness, sweating, muscle tension, or body temperature changes. These physiological changes are often referred to as "biological cues." It is imperative to pay attention to these biological cues because if they go unnoticed, it is possible that a bad situation could escalate very quickly into something worse. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The second important point to this story is expanding your sense of time and urgency during a conflict. For many people with trigger tempers, taking a time-out as soon as your notice your biological cues is the most helpful thing you can do. You can't resolve anything when you're upset anyway, and the time-out will create emotional distance from the person you're in conflict with which will allow you time to think your way through the situation, something that is very difficult to do when you are <i>in </i>it. Common ways to manage your anger through self-soothing include:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Get relaxed- take a time-out, take deep breaths to slow your heart rate, go for a walk, listen to music, take a hot bath</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Get physical- work out, run, shoot baskets, clean your house</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Get distracted- do some paperwork, read, play a video game</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Talk with someone- vent to a supportive family member or friend</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Remember, if you have an explosive temper, you are most likely a very passionate person and you can learn to manage your temper. You can learn ways to self- soothe. And you can learn to manage your emotions so that you can calm down enough to </span><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;">think </i><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">your way through a stressful situation, rather than </span><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;">react </i><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">to it. </span><br>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice. She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span><br>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Pre-Marital Counseling</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Anger Management</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Emotional Regulation</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Stress</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Anxiety</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Depression</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Aging Issues</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Infidelity</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">ADHD</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Reconciliation Therapy</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Family, Adolescents and Children's issues</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">LGBT</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Communication Issues</span><br>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Parenting Coordination</span><br>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Adoption Home Studies</span><br>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-41515104569023090372013-06-28T12:37:00.000-05:002013-07-26T15:38:31.713-05:00I Can't Hear You!!! What To Do With Defensiveness During an Argument (Part 3 of 3)<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">In my first article in this series,<a href="http://www.treytrottersoffice.blogspot.com/2013/05/talk-talk-talk-problem-with.html" target="_blank"> "Talk, Talk, Talk. The Problem with Communication Is... (Part 1 or 3)"</a> I identified the problem with communication is not in the speaking but rather in the lack of listening. </span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">In </span><a href="http://www.treytrottersoffice.blogspot.com/2013/06/listen-listen-listenthe-key-to.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">"Listen Listen Listen...The Key to Effective Communication (Part 2 of 3)", </span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"> the second article in this series, I identified skills you can use to be an effective listener. So what can you do when your communication becomes heated? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">When you are involved in a conflict, your emotions run rampant. Sometimes you feel things that are so strong they take over your ability to rationalize in the moment. Self-regulation becomes very difficult. And at some point you're so defensive you quit listening.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">So how do you listen when you're feeling defensive? Simple. You don't.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">So what <em>do</em> you do? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">First, as soon as you start feeling defensive, take a timeout. Sounds simple but it takes discipline to do it. When you feel defensive a sense of "urgency" seems to come up. A sense of urgency to react, to respond, or to tell your point of view. However, the odds are not in your favor of working through the situation if you're feeling defensive, and your patience is most likely thin. Taking a time-out may mean taking a break from the conversation. There is no harm in this; adults sometimes need time-outs just like children do. Sometimes just getting away from the conversation can lessen the anxiety or frustration that you're feeling. The purpose of the time-out is so that you can calm yourself down and slow yourself down. When you have gathered your composure then it's time to go back and attempt to resolve the issue.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Second, if you have accomplished assertiveness and </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-regulation" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">self-regulation</span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"> skills, as you begin to feel defensive, you can tell the person who's talking you're beginning to feel defensive. You might say something like, "What you're saying is important but I feel like you're talking down to me. Could you please say that in a different way so that I can be more open to what you're saying?" Your ability to effectively identify and articulate your emotions and to address what's bothering you early in the conversation can sometimes redirect the conversation before it escalates into conflict.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Remember, you have choices even when your emotions implore a sense of urgency. You have the choice to take a time-out. You have the choice to address what's bothering you in a responsible way. And you have the choice to argue. <em>What will your choice be</em>?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital & Family Therapist in private practice. She has been conducting counseling with individuals, couples, children, adolescents, and families since 1995. You can now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a webcam, smartphone, tablet, or computer. Visit her website at </span><a href="http://www.treytrotter.com/" x-apple-data-detectors-result="0" x-apple-data-detectors-type="link" x-apple-data-detectors="true"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">http://www.treytrotter.com</span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"> for additional information. </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-6363525875870929252013-06-10T12:02:00.000-05:002013-07-30T12:23:29.179-05:00Listen Listen Listen...The Key to Effective Communication (Part 2 of 3)<div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In all my years of practicing marriage and family therapy, I have never had a client complain of their partner listening too much; "He listens all the time! I can't get a word in edge-wise!" Or, "She never talks to me, all she does is listen effectively!" Therapists just don't hear that sort of thing...</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Clients don't complain of their partner talking too much like they complain of not feeling heard. In my previous article, "<a href="http://treytrottersoffice.blogspot.com/2013/05/talk-talk-talk-problem-with.html" target="_blank">Talk Talk Talk The Problem with Communication Is...</a>," I identified the most common problem I've encountered with communication difficulties, the absence of listening.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So how do you listen effectively? Basically, if you can remember three steps, you will be on your way to becoming a good listener!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The first step is to get ready to listen. We get very busy in our lives and sometimes forget to be present in our relationships. So the next time your children or your partner want to share something with you, put down the newspaper or the sponge, make eye contact with them, and get ready to listen. If what you're doing is too important to stop, then let them know that what they have to say is important and that you will be ready to listen to them once you finish your task. Then do it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The second step is to make good eye contact. Have you ever tried telling someone some big news and they keep looking at the clock? You know how frustrating that can be. When you make good eye contact with the person who is speaking, you Increase your odds that you will have a successful conversation. You are more likely to be present in the conversation you're having. And, good eye contact will also give the person who is speaking the message that you are focused and what they are saying is important.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The third step is to actively listen without interrupting. After the speaker completes the point, repeat back (in your own words) what you heard the speaker say. What can make this difficult? Sometimes you may get excited or offended by what you are hearing. Either of these scenarios may cause you to experience a very strong emotion and feel the urgency to talk or to defend yourself. You must resist this urgency. However, if you suspect you're going to be discussing hot topics ahead of time, let the other person know that you're going to grab a pen and paper so that if you need to you can write down any urgent points that come up. Remember, however, after you write down your point you must quickly return your focus back to the conversation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">If you want to take listening to the next level, you can ask probing and clarifying questions to really let the speaker know your are getting it. Probing questions are questions that you can ask in order to get additional information. Clarifying questions are questions that you can ask in order to clear up any confusion you may have over what the speaker has said.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In my next post, "<a href="http://treytrottersoffice.blogspot.com/2013/06/i-can-hear-you-what-to-do-with.html" target="_blank">I Can't Hear You!!! What to do With Defensiveness During an Argument </a></span><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://treytrottersoffice.blogspot.com/2013/06/i-can-hear-you-what-to-do-with.html" target="_blank">(Part 3 of 3)</a>", I will address how to handle defensiveness when you are listening. Keep this in mind. You only need to remember 3 small steps that will have a huge impact on your relationships. Get ready to listen, make good eye contact, and use active listening skills.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 20.796875px; text-align: justify;">Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice. She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Mediation</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Parenting Coordination</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Custody Evaluations</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Adoption Home Studies</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Visit Ms. Trotter's website at </span><a href="http://www.treytrotter.com/" style="line-height: 20.796875px;">http://www.treytrotter.com</a><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;"> for additional information.</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-71202881706074628412013-05-17T08:11:00.001-05:002013-07-30T12:25:11.623-05:00The Stuffers Vs. The Trigger Tempers... Part 1 of 2~ The Antidote toStuffing:<div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Are you a person who tends to stuff things when you get upset? If so, you might be a "stuffer." Or when upset, are you a person who is ready to fight at the drop of a hat? Then you might have a "trigger temper." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This first article is going to explain the "stuffer" and give stuffers the antidote to stuffing. The second article in this series, "<a href="http://treytrottersoffice.blogspot.com/2013/07/part2tamingtriggertempers.html" target="_blank">Taming Trigger Tempers</a>," will offer suggestions for managing explosive tempers.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Stuffers are people that let things roll off their backs. They seem to go with the flow and be pretty laid-back. Then all of a sudden <<WHAM!!!>> They blow up and all this stuff comes out that <i>they</i> didn't even know they were upset about.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Y<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">ears ago, I was teaching an anger management class. I asked each participant if they were a "stuffer" or if they had a "trigger temper." Most of my students answered they are "stuffers." This answer was surprising because when we think of people who have tempers we usually think of people who are "hot- heads."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I explained to my anger management class that the best antidote to stuffing is to learn <i>assertiveness</i> skills. Assertiveness is the ability to respectfully, responsibly, and consistently stand up for yourself. When I gave the following example of assertive communication in my anger management class, students looked at me in horror. Imagine that one day your best friend came to you and started complaining about one of your other close friends. In order to address this situation assertively you might say, "that person is one of my closest friends and if you have a problem you need to go talk to that person. Please stop talking to me about it." (Come to think of it, the ladies of <i>The Real Housewives of Orange County </i>could learn a thing or two about direct and assertive communication!) </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, many of my students would respond to my assertiveness example by emphatically saying, "<i>I could never say that!</i>" When asked why, my students would respond that to do so would be rude, or that they were afraid to make their friend mad, or worse they feared they would lose the friendship altogether. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">So I asked my students what they would do If they did not address it and that friend kept complaining. Most of my students replied t</span><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">hey would rather </span><i style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">stop hanging out with that friend</i><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"> than confront the situation. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Coming off rude, making your friend mad, or losing your friendship are all real possibilities. But think about this, however. As Dr. Phil would say, until you "teach your friends how to treat you," you will continue to subject yourself to uncomfortable situations with complaining friends. You can keep doing that, but by doing so you are supporting someone else's comfort level <i>at the expense of your own</i>. And by not sharing your feelings you're actually being unfair to your friends by not giving them the opportunity to fix something that's wrong.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Whether you choose to continue stuffing or you choose to respectfully and responsibly take assertive steps to change the uncomfortable situations you find yourself in, you run the potential of losing friendships either by your choice or theirs... </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">On the flip side of that, since you run the risk of losing a friend anyway, why not also run the risk of having a better friendship by being honest with your feelings? Though <i>initially</i> uncomfortable, by addressing the situation you are actually creating an opportunity to live your life more honestly and comfortably. You are demonstrating respect for your friend by entrusting your feelings to your friend. You are creating an opportunity to take yourself out of an uncomfortable situation and <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">uncomfortable situations in the future</span>. And you are creating an opportunity to possibly even deepen your friendships. Which option will you choose?</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-size: large;">Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice in Tulsa & Ponca City, Oklahoma. She conducts counseling with individuals, couples, children, adolescents, and families. See a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a webcam, and a smartphone, laptop, or tablet. Visit her website at <a href="http://www.treytrotter.com/">http://www.treytrotter.com</a> for additional information. </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-45758675163050655892013-05-08T08:44:00.001-05:002013-07-30T12:24:05.206-05:00Talk, Talk, Talk. The Problem With Communication Is... (Part 1 of 3)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">All sustainable relationships require communication. When I was growing up, communication skills were not taught in mainstream school, at church, or even Campfire Girls. So what exactly is <i>communication</i>? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In an effort to answer this question, I went to the <a href="http://tinyurl.com/cj4ze3p" target="_blank">dictionary</a>. What I found stopped me in my tracks. Communication was defined as, "A<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">n act or instance of transmitting <strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">2 a</strong> <strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">:</strong> information transmitted or <strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">b</strong> <strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">:</strong> a verbal or written message <strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">3 a</strong> <strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">:</strong> a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior; <span class="vi" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">the function of pheromones in insect."</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="vi" style="font-size: large; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="vi" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The problem with this dictionary's definition of communication is consistent with the communication difficulties I have found in my clients over the years. T</span></span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">he act of </span><i style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">listening </i><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">is nowhere to be found.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="vi" style="font-size: large; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="vi" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">I guess I always considered communication to be a two-way street. And most of my clients who complain of communication difficulties are actually complaining </span></span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"> of not feeling heard. So what is the deal?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My clients, whether they're single, married, or divorced, most often have zero difficulties communicating- consistent with how the dictionary defined communication. However, k</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">nowing </span><i style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">how to talk</i><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> is not most people's problem. We begin learning to communicate as infants through </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">gurgles and coos. But what if nobody listened? Are we better at listening to babies than we are listening to adults?</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The key to effective communication is found in the </span><i style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">listening</i><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">...</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="vi" style="font-size: large; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="vi" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">In my next article, "</span></span><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Light; line-height: 22px; white-space: nowrap;"><a href="http://treytrottersoffice.blogspot.com/2013_06_01_archive.html" target="_blank">Listen Listen Listen...The Key to Effective </a></span><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Light; line-height: 22px; white-space: nowrap;"><a href="http://treytrottersoffice.blogspot.com/2013_06_01_archive.html" target="_blank">Communication Part 2 of 3</a>," I will </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">discuss the key points in listening. And think about this; I</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">f you were in a forest talking out loud and nobody was there to hear it, would that be considered </span><i style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">communication</i><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 20.796875px; text-align: justify;">Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice. She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Marriage Counseling</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Pre-Marital Counseling</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Anger Management</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Emotional Regulation</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Stress</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Anxiety</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Depression</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Aging Issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Infidelity</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">ADHD</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Reconciliation Therapy</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Family, Adolescents and Children's issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">LGBT</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Communication Issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Conflict Resolution Difficulties</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Mediation</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Parenting Coordination</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Custody Evaluations</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Adoption Home Studies</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Visit Ms. Trotter's website at </span><a href="http://www.treytrotter.com/" style="line-height: 20.796875px;">http://www.treytrotter.com</a><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;"> for additional information.</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-55850643478656958652013-05-06T08:11:00.001-05:002013-06-05T13:35:00.344-05:00Yes & No: You Can't Have One Without the Other:<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Are there people in your life you’d like to say no to? Are you always saying yes even when you don’t mean to? Read on to see how to say no and empower yourself... <br>
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"Won’t People Get Mad at Me if I say no?"<br>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">No. Actually, it’s the opposite. When you are intentional about when you say yes and when you say no, people will actually learn to trust you more. They will learn you say what you mean and mean what you say. You will also feel more in control of your time, energy, and ultimately your life. </span><br>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">"How do I Say no?" </span><br>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">You can say “no” to people and they can still feel heard, validated, and valued if you follow these steps: </span><br>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">1. </span><i style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Be honest with yourself</i><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">: Ask yourself a few questions: Do I want to say yes or do I feel compelled to say yes? What’s the risk if I say yes? What’s the risk if I say no? What are the consequences of either choice? </span><br>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">2. </span><i style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Be honest with the person making the request</i><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">: You have the right to say no without giving an explanation. Giving a long reason why your answer is “no,” does not change the reality of your response. In fact the reason you explain your “no” is because you are trying to make yourself feel better for your response. </span><br>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">3. </span><i style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Offer an alternative</i><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">: You can give a “soft” no by trying this: “I can tell this is important to you. Let’s talk about how we can make this work another time.” </span><br>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">4. </span><i style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Get over the guilt</i><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">: Guilt implies intent. If you did not mean to hurt someone or to be mean to them, then you do not deserve to feel guilty. Be respectful enough of the requestor to allow them to experience whatever emotion you saying “no” stirs up for them.</span><br>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">5. </span><i style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Take a Time-Out</i><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">: If you feel put on the spot, rather than over-committing take a “time-out” and think about your response. Tell the person asking the question you will get back with them. </span><br>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Remember, whenever you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else. What are you saying no to right now that you’d rather be saying yes to?</span><br>
<br>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital & Family Therapist in private practice. She has been conducting counseling with individuals, couples, children, adolescents, and families for approximately twenty years. You can now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a webcam, smartphone, tablet, or computer. Visit her website at <a href="http://www.treytrotter.com/">http://www.treytrotter.com</a> for additional information. </span><br>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-78439046640526154482013-04-29T08:05:00.001-05:002014-05-12T16:20:59.522-05:00Pam amazed at how often people spend time reacting to somebody they don't know. Weather is someone who is offering poor customer service at a store, to someone who is driving poorly but then makes an obscene gesture you.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-63775375564775279682013-04-26T10:21:00.001-05:002014-05-12T15:51:17.432-05:00How Do You Make a Cat Bark? If You Can't Change Your Ex Who Can You Change?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrNDDU3gGsxqS3AdTj63-p4bZzBN6MhSoVGJ1UEd27DmRFzX1VgwUrUyzYZaMrq3kBztuwyrrxgSvCSOPrYfDDNR-Bug45yc9V35aPFZ-tj-ce3CqzgK3H-dsYF9YBnxsV4iO7oBo3xwW2/s640/blogger-image-298940918.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrNDDU3gGsxqS3AdTj63-p4bZzBN6MhSoVGJ1UEd27DmRFzX1VgwUrUyzYZaMrq3kBztuwyrrxgSvCSOPrYfDDNR-Bug45yc9V35aPFZ-tj-ce3CqzgK3H-dsYF9YBnxsV4iO7oBo3xwW2/s320/blogger-image-298940918.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You know you can't control another person. All you truly have control over is yourself. So why is it when you get divorced, you expect your ex is going to wake up and just magically "get it?" </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You keep hoping your ex will stop bad-mouthing you, stop picking fights with you, or start seeing the children regularly. Why do you do that? If your ex hasn't been doing the things you are wanting already, then you're probably trying to make a cat bark. In other words, you're trying to control another person through your expectation of that person.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So what do you do instead?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">You change your expectation of your ex. Expect your ex is going to continue bad-mouthing you. Expect that your ex is going to continue picking fights with you. Expect that your ex is not going to be consistent in spending time with the children.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">When you accept your ex's behavior instead of hoping and/or expecting it to change, you will experience freedom. For suggestions on how to cope with the negative aspects of co-parenting with the ex, view "<a href="http://www.treytrottersoffice.blogspot.com/2013/02/getting-thrown-under-bus-it-waste-of.html" target="_blank">Getting Thrown Under the Bus? It's a Waste of Time To Go After the Bus Driver (Handling Bad-Mouthing by the Ex</a>)." Keep in mind that accepting your ex's behavior is not the same as agreeing with it. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Remember, you cannot change your ex. You cannot make a cat bark. But you can change your expectation and stop driving yourself crazy. And maybe, just maybe, if your ex does happen to start behaving better, you will be happily surprised. Either way~ if you change your expectation of your ex or your ex actually changes, your children win because you are less stressed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Ms. Trotter has been conducting counseling with individuals, couples, children, adolescents, and families for approximately twenty years. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. See Ms. Trotter's website at <a href="http://www.treytrotter.com/">http://www.treytrotter.com</a> for additional information. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-64647736263827630892013-04-22T11:06:00.001-05:002013-07-30T12:27:48.431-05:00Pro-Acting Vs. Reacting: Am I Managing My Life or Reacting to It?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzyab__psASbEWFnwykPI38zJOkH0eNBDIZ765UnQYlS9ikCgVuWPhzeUW6ASSrKnUQj7PbQSEkdcEmOGgiSrRqGIQarOXVgHc-3acFFXHYH4-ldQxn4enjGhdrP-7QS_BI503taLJSTmP/s640/blogger-image--1190821145.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzyab__psASbEWFnwykPI38zJOkH0eNBDIZ765UnQYlS9ikCgVuWPhzeUW6ASSrKnUQj7PbQSEkdcEmOGgiSrRqGIQarOXVgHc-3acFFXHYH4-ldQxn4enjGhdrP-7QS_BI503taLJSTmP/s640/blogger-image--1190821145.jpg" width="492" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What do eating disorders, encopresis, cutting, infidelity, and OCD have in common? The answer might surprise you; the quest for control and peace. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">From children traumatized by domestic violence or abuse, to adolescents who didn't make the cheerleading squad, to people who feel as though they have no power in their marriage/relationship, to people who have lost a loved one, and people who have obsessive thoughts, they all have something in common. They all feel out of control of their lives and find themselves doing desperate things to cope. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Choosing not to eat, defacating in underpants, engaging in inappropriate relationships, mutilating one's body, hoarding items, and counting, checking, or washing repeatedly are all examples of attempts to control something and to find peace. The problem is, all these behaviors often result in very negative consequences that make the person doing them feel even more out of control. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes the most helpful thing we can learn is that we have more power than what we realize. Not necessarily over external events, but rather our attachment to our experiences. By learning healthy coping, we can influence and shape our experience of those negative events, bothersome thoughts and troubling emotions.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">How? By learning to make pro-active rather than reactive choices. When we move from reacting to pro-acting, we are learning to experience healthy control. Therapy can help with this change. In therapy, you can learn healthy control by: choosing to go to the bathroom instead of holding it, making healthy eating choices rather than not eating at all, facing and working on power imbalances in relationships rather than straying, learning self-empowering tools for coping rather than cutting one's body, and by parting with an inanimate objects and learning that nothing bad is going to happen.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The shift of moving from reactive to proactive is a learning process. You may have been coping reactively rather than proactively for years, but you can still learn how cope in a way that empowers you. It requires a willingness to look beyond what seems to be the most readily available option. The process also requires discipline and often therapeutic support. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But if what you're doing isn't working for you, maybe ask yourself this question: Am I managing my life or reacting to it? If I'm reacting and feeling out of control, maybe it's time to learn how to move to a pro-active lifestyle.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 20.796875px; text-align: justify;">Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice. She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Marriage Counseling</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Pre-Marital Counseling</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Anger Management</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Emotional Regulation</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Stress</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Anxiety</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Depression</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Aging Issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Infidelity</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">ADHD</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Reconciliation Therapy</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Family, Adolescents and Children's issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">LGBT</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Communication Issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Conflict Resolution Difficulties</span></span><br />
<div style="line-height: 20.796875px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Mediation</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Parenting Coordination</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Custody Evaluations</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Adoption Home Studies</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Visit Ms. Trotter's website at </span><a href="http://www.treytrotter.com/" style="line-height: 20.796875px;">http://www.treytrotter.com</a><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;"> for additional information.</span></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-26231432650541752302013-04-15T10:38:00.001-05:002013-08-19T09:05:15.025-05:00How Could You!?!? 10 Simple Tips to Increase Positive Interactions
WithYour Partner:<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ssYZoTsJl_OKm6KRjvQFaq1TOiBFuDXReH0BCmyKQPrsPuFjM5j1M3QFCaOGAtFew-uT7fCEqqpwB1irlFYUCzL-wNcM3ekbF-OLQBMv4VnM7x6MG4iqg_nc9YtmCnG-dvt-9Y_HeTCG/s640/blogger-image--112182092.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ssYZoTsJl_OKm6KRjvQFaq1TOiBFuDXReH0BCmyKQPrsPuFjM5j1M3QFCaOGAtFew-uT7fCEqqpwB1irlFYUCzL-wNcM3ekbF-OLQBMv4VnM7x6MG4iqg_nc9YtmCnG-dvt-9Y_HeTCG/s640/blogger-image--112182092.jpg"></a></div>
<br>
Have you ever found yourself unemployed and sending out resumés to get a job? Typically for every 10-15 resumés you send out you'll receive 1 response back. So what happens if you only send out 8 resumés? Or if you send out 10 but don't send out any more? What if the one company call you received wasn't the one you were hoping for? Most likely, you won't be successful in landing that "ideal" and "fulfilling" job.<br>
<br>
In order to sustain an "ideal" and "fulfilling" relationship, John Gottman, researcher and renowned relational specialist in the field of psychology posits in order for a relationship to thrive you must exhibit 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction. That's certainly better odds than receiving 1 in 10-15 responses from sending out your resumés.<br>
<br>
So the question is this; If your relationship is not ideal and fulfilling, how could you increase your number of positive interactions with your partner? It may take a conscience effort to do so, regardless of whether you receive feedback right away from your partner. But if you don't make that effort, your relationship's odds of being "ideal" and "fulfilling" will slowly stack against you.<br>
<br>
Here are 10 simple tips to increase your positive interactions with your partner:<br>
<br>
1. Use humor.<br>
2. Flirt.<br>
3. Give sincere compliments.<br>
4. Show appreciation.<br>
5. Listen.<br>
6. Date each other.<br>
7. Use "I" statements when you're upset.<br>
8. Surprise your partner by cleaning the house.<br>
9. Hug when you get home from work.<br>
10. Make a date to meet for lunch.<br>
<br>
Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice in Tulsa & Ponca City, Oklahoma. She has been conducting counseling with individuals, couples, children, adolescents, and families for approximately twenty years. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a webcam, and a smartphone, laptop, or tablet. Visit her website at www.treytrotter.com for additional information. <br>
<br>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-16812682798809571632013-04-08T13:32:00.001-05:002013-07-30T12:27:05.633-05:00Don't Just Say Something Stand There! Doing Nothing is Sometimes Best:<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijHISJ1N9fHTt5jOXqzmgc7Jgz8exqG4q-uS6jFEdiZKD3IxG08hA_mrTwMSiDT-dUPx8Mz8SUXWobBTJMt9ZabUcRT_95rZU2-INtPCBHVhjn3XCBKof6PZiQYBNFydSLbHOpWprk7QPx/s640/blogger-image--1323031792.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijHISJ1N9fHTt5jOXqzmgc7Jgz8exqG4q-uS6jFEdiZKD3IxG08hA_mrTwMSiDT-dUPx8Mz8SUXWobBTJMt9ZabUcRT_95rZU2-INtPCBHVhjn3XCBKof6PZiQYBNFydSLbHOpWprk7QPx/s1600/blogger-image--1323031792.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">We've all heard people say, "Don't just stand there, do something!" However, sometimes the best thing you can do is to simply do nothing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I had a client who desperately wanted to reconcile with his wife. In the beginning of the separation she had reportedly said she wanted to reconcile as well, but that my client was driving her crazy. He kept doing things for his wife despite her objections. He paid her car payment, her phone bill, her utilities. He sent flowers to her work, left her notes on her car, texted her repeatedly. He was so desperate to "win" her back that he couldn't see how he was pushing her away. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">He came to a session with me and despite my educating him about distancing/pursuing patterns and my giving him repeated advice to back off, my client kept pursuing her. Eventually his wife obtained a protective order against him for harassment and then divorced him. When he received the divorce papers, my client told me that he had a revelation; HE NEEDED TO TRY EVEN HARDER! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Several months later, my client told me that it wasn't until one night when he was sitting in jail after violating his protective order repeatedly, he finally understood what I had been trying to tell him. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">He should have just stood there and done "nothing." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 20.796875px; text-align: justify;">Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice. She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Marriage Counseling</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Pre-Marital Counseling</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Anger Management</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Emotional Regulation</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Stress</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Anxiety</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Depression</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Aging Issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Infidelity</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">ADHD</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Reconciliation Therapy</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Family, Adolescents and Children's issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">LGBT</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Communication Issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Conflict Resolution Difficulties</span></span><br />
<div style="line-height: 20.796875px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Mediation</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Parenting Coordination</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Custody Evaluations</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Adoption Home Studies</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Visit Ms. Trotter's website at </span><a href="http://www.treytrotter.com/" style="line-height: 20.796875px;">http://www.treytrotter.com</a><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;"> for additional information.</span></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Note:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">As a reminder, all stories regarding clients are being repeated with permission. However, great creative liberty has been taken as names, gender, ages content, etc. have been changed to protect the identity of these clients.</span><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-27414572054381128052013-04-01T11:46:00.001-05:002015-05-13T16:33:18.001-05:00Puppy Dogs, Unicorns, & Rainbows: Why Is It So Hard To Be Happy?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2eRq1syddfuCp7-Hom4v3Md0IxjpbwCzzx64l0HgYNlaW1MSU1bFr3CIFOi7SMFA6QDxro4o68Bs-yYTIUn8tIbmJIir5eoypkZFZky7_hu7csWyTcMd8Au9EqKCqxSEzk-dCgGd7zomM/s640/blogger-image--2012094646.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2eRq1syddfuCp7-Hom4v3Md0IxjpbwCzzx64l0HgYNlaW1MSU1bFr3CIFOi7SMFA6QDxro4o68Bs-yYTIUn8tIbmJIir5eoypkZFZky7_hu7csWyTcMd8Au9EqKCqxSEzk-dCgGd7zomM/s640/blogger-image--2012094646.jpg"></a></div>
<br>
W<span style="font-size: large;">hen was the last time you heard someone say, "I am sooo happy!" Or, "I had a really fantastic day today!" </span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The expression of happiness today seems to rarely be heard. Most people seem to smile at it, others seem to want it, yet a lot of people don't seem to emote it. Why is that?</span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Is it the fear of being judged? Of being different? Is it just too cheesy, dorky, or completely uncool?</span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I remember one year I took a very non-scientific poll at Christmas time- a time of year I thought I could stack the odds in my favor toward hearing the expression of happiness. I asked 23 people from all walks of life including teachers, doctors, and trash collectors, 1 simple question, "How was your Christmas?" Most of the answers I received included emphatic complaints; "I'm so glad it's over!" "The children only wanted expensive gifts so they didn't get as much as usual-I never had that stuff as a kid!" and, "My in-laws were awful!" </span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">One person, the 23rd person I asked, however, answered this way: "You know I had a pretty good Christmas. My family was altogether which made it great!" Do you know who he was? A janitor who had just finished cleaning a hospital bathroom. I told him thank you with a tear in my eye. After hearing his answer, I quit taking my poll. I finally found what I had been looking for; to hear a genuine expression of happiness.</span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm a pretty optimistic person most of the time. However I'm also realistic. I know life takes a toll on you and the bad stuff is easier to see. It cuts in front of you in line, it makes obscene gestures at you in traffic, and it passes you by for that well-deserved raise. </span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I also know that being happy is hard work. It takes commitment and perseverance. If you look, and keep looking, past the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 22nd negative you encounter, and no matter what bad stuff happens you choose to continue to focus on the positive, you will find that life will be a little easier. If I had stopped looking after the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 22nd negative encounter, I never would've found what I had been looking for. </span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I know life is hard. But sometimes, when you're least expecting it, as long as you keep trying you will find what you're looking for. I did. And I will never forget the janitor who reminded me that Puppy Dogs, Unicorns, and Rainbows, still do exist!!!</span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 20.796875px; text-align: justify;">Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice. She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Marriage Counseling</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Pre-Marital Counseling</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Anger Management</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Emotional Regulation</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Stress</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Anxiety</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Depression</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Aging Issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Infidelity</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">ADHD</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Reconciliation Therapy</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Family, Adolescents and Children's issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">LGBT</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Communication Issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Conflict Resolution Difficulties</span></span><br>
<div style="line-height: 20.796875px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Mediation</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Parenting Coordination</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Custody Evaluations</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Adoption Home Studies</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Visit Ms. Trotter's website at </span><a href="http://www.treytrotter.com/" style="line-height: 20.796875px;">http://www.treytrotter.com</a><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;"> for additional information.</span></span><br>
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<img height="84" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2eRq1syddfuCp7-Hom4v3Md0IxjpbwCzzx64l0HgYNlaW1MSU1bFr3CIFOi7SMFA6QDxro4o68Bs-yYTIUn8tIbmJIir5eoypkZFZky7_hu7csWyTcMd8Au9EqKCqxSEzk-dCgGd7zomM/s640/blogger-image--2012094646.jpg" style="left: 328px; opacity: 0.3; position: absolute; top: -43px;" width="96">Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-41499494480116177102013-03-15T09:34:00.001-05:002013-07-30T12:28:38.024-05:00I'm Going Through a Divorce...Should I Go to Mediation?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil1X5mSgK52g5e8CWEG3Nx0lZHd6tvI3fkuHXkk4F0s8IALwyP5i9P6lLXTEn-6MMb55ddF1SnCk2tmggJnTVlX2yYNT0-3SjiSxS7o4BHn4UGuvHyTrCLYaZaG7OObhcZCpy5RQ9m4DGU/s640/blogger-image--474521530.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil1X5mSgK52g5e8CWEG3Nx0lZHd6tvI3fkuHXkk4F0s8IALwyP5i9P6lLXTEn-6MMb55ddF1SnCk2tmggJnTVlX2yYNT0-3SjiSxS7o4BHn4UGuvHyTrCLYaZaG7OObhcZCpy5RQ9m4DGU/s320/blogger-image--474521530.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">ABSOLUTELY 100% YES!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I used to work at a courthouse and I would listen to Judges say they are not the best people to make decisions with regard to your children. They don't know your children's fears, their hopes or their dreams like you do. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I am a huge proponent of mediation because it is a process that allows you to remain in charge of the decision-making that affects you and your children. You can go to Mediation at anytime during the court process.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">What is Mediation?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Mediation is a cooperative and confidential process where I sit down with you and your co-parent and we resolve unresolved issues, including but not limited to custody and visitation as well as modifications to your current orders.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Why Does it Work?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When we argue, we tend to get stuck defending our positions. As an experienced mediator, I take an "interest-based" approach in helping co-parents resolve their issues. "Interest–based" negotiation is focused on flushing out and resolving the issues that fuel your positions. While mediating I frequently hear, "Trey if we could talk like this we could've resolved our issues ourselves!" Sometimes it takes a trained neutral party to help you stay focused on the issues, and to help you learn effective communication and conflict resolution skills.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Can I Mediate if We Have a Protective Order? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Yes! I stagger the arrival and departure times so that you may have safe passage in and out of my office. You and your co-parent are put in separate rooms and I alternate meeting or "caucusing" with each of you separately. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">How many times do we meet? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">You will meet with me as many times as necessary to resolve the issues. I've met with clients anywhere from one to six times in the past.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">What Happens After Mediation is Finished? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Upon completion of the final Mediation session, I will prepare a Memorandum of Understanding and submit it to you, your co-parent and the attorneys. The attorneys will draft your agreements into order form to present to the court for approval by the Judge. Your case will be finished and you don't have to go to court. You are welcome to come back in the future as necessary.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Ms. Trotter has been conducting counseling with individuals, couples, children, adolescents, and families for approximately twenty years. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. See Ms. Trotter's website at <a href="http://www.treytrotter.com/">http://www.treytrotter.com</a> for additional information. </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0Tulsa Tulsa36.088654 -95.996015tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-68583056261412802822013-03-14T15:40:00.003-05:002013-07-30T12:29:08.171-05:00Opposites Do Attract! Just Not in the Way You Might Think...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVimSYr7qmoOGXnjcd39BQHuF8cksbxgI9mi0W-fKMP2wEdBv2nPySvb0G_si_rUxG6U5unEIVMMnJsouQg1z1ygE8q1iyZj4-I94bQd59i_7LiazsK5i27ae6G27qBPZi3EDhB-bdkOG9/s400/treytrotteroppositesattractpic.jpg" height="285" width="400" /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Do opposites really attract? </span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Based upon what I have experienced in working with couples, I have seen the answer unfold time and time again but not in the way you might think... </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Years ago I was working with a couple who wanted their marriage to be better. They had been married for over ten years and the husband had an affair toward the beginning of their marriage. The husband told his wife he had the affair because she was too controlling. They did not go to counseling. They stayed together and over time a "parent-child" pattern developed in their marriage. The wife was the "parent" and her husband was the "child." The wife explained she had been so hurt by her husband's infidelity she began attempting to control <em>all</em> her husband's actions. But each time the wife told her husband what to do, he would react and do <em>the exact opposite</em> of what she had directed. He eventually had another affair in what he said was an effort to again gain "independence" from his wife. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The wife was in no way responsible for how her husband coped with their relationship pattern. It always takes two to make or break a relationship. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">However, had the wife attended counseling earlier, she would have discovered how her individual insecurities, due to the infidelity in her own parent's marriage, affected the way she treated her husband. She would have been able to see how attempting to control her husband was actually pushing him away and learned instead how to give him space and to feel secure doing so. Had the husband been in counseling earlier, he would have learned how to assert himself in the relationship long before he committed the first infidelity which could have challenged rather than endorsed the "parent-child" pattern. He would have learned that by reacting to his wife's control, through having affairs, he was actually contributing to his wife's insecurities thereby contributing to her controlling behavior toward him. They both would have learned how to cope with their insecurities in ways that would have brought them closer rather than tear them apart. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">There is a happy ending here. Through marriage counseling my client and her husband were able to correct their power imbalance and to restore their relationship from a "parent-child" relationship to a "partner-partner" relationship. They both reported feeling like they were in a much more "real" and satisfying place than ever.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So my answer is yes. Opposites <em>do</em> attract but in this way... </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<em><span style="font-size: large;">If what you are doing is getting you the opposite of what you want, you must do the opposite of what you are doing in order to get what you want!!!</span></em><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 20.796875px; text-align: justify;">Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice. She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Marriage Counseling</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Pre-Marital Counseling</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Anger Management</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Emotional Regulation</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Stress</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Anxiety</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Depression</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Aging Issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Infidelity</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">ADHD</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Reconciliation Therapy</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Family, Adolescents and Children's issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">LGBT</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Communication Issues</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Conflict Resolution Difficulties</span></span><br />
<div style="line-height: 20.796875px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Mediation</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Parenting Coordination</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Custody Evaluations</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Adoption Home Studies</span><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.796875px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;">Visit Ms. Trotter's website at </span><a href="http://www.treytrotter.com/" style="line-height: 20.796875px;">http://www.treytrotter.com</a><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;"> for additional information.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 20.796875px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Note:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">As a reminder, all stories regarding clients are being repeated with permission. However, great creative liberty has been taken as names, gender, ages content, etc. have been changed to protect the identity of these clients.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-75605327821033643842013-02-04T09:45:00.001-06:002013-07-09T17:26:33.977-05:00Getting Thrown Under the Bus? It's a Waste of Time to go After the
BusDriver (Handling Bad-Mouthing by the Ex:)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUa0Zyw-fgUwR7R3EpTJnG1ZmwMoRM_3sr1zQcQUnb4f4ZaYsQG_VjBKx3NnLQ9QxbZcul9fOcwP1fGuSo9bf7kPhI5wwlNKJpH5l9Jq7Hlc_vtCQgx2BMUXS5KpFc4PmfSCPgsmhVHc0L/s1600/trey+trotter+he+who+angers+you+conquers+you.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUa0Zyw-fgUwR7R3EpTJnG1ZmwMoRM_3sr1zQcQUnb4f4ZaYsQG_VjBKx3NnLQ9QxbZcul9fOcwP1fGuSo9bf7kPhI5wwlNKJpH5l9Jq7Hlc_vtCQgx2BMUXS5KpFc4PmfSCPgsmhVHc0L/s320/trey+trotter+he+who+angers+you+conquers+you.jpg" width="320"></a></div><br>
<br>
So you find yourself separated or divorced and your children are telling you how your ex is constantly throwing you under the bus. How do you handle your emotions in those frustrating moments?<br>
<br>
First, keep in mind that it's okay to feel hurt or angry by what you're hearing. Just remember you always have a choice in how you respond or react with your own behavior. <br>
<br>
Second, children learn more by what they see than what they hear. Keep your behavior in check by asking yourself, "Is my behavior in this moment showing my children how to respond should they find themselves in this situation some day?"<br>
<br>
Third, it's true your ex may have placed your children in the middle by throwing you under the bus. However, if you react negatively to what you are hearing, you are keeping them there. Instead try something like, "I'm sorry that you had to hear that. How did you feel when the other parent said that?" Then process your children's feelings in a supportive way, again without retaliating against the bad-mouthing parent. <br>
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Fourth, remember, your children are made up of each of you. When they hear something negative about you from the other parent, they don't hear it about that you as intended. Rather they hear it as an attack on themselves and they need your support, not your negative reaction.<br>
<br>
Lastly, the best way to handle bad-mouthing by an ex is to resolve your emotions about your ex so that ultimately their opinion means nothing to you. Then you'll be in a better position to focus on your children's needs rather than your hurt or anger. You will be in a better position to demonstrate for your children how you would want them to handle someone bad-mouthing them someday. <br>
<br>
Children are smart and they are learning something about each of you; whether there is bad-mouthing happening, or good role-modeling happening. Either way, they'll be thanking one of you and most likely resenting the other.<br>
<br>
Ms. Trotter has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. She is also a trained Parenting Coordinator. In 1999, Ms. Trotter was a member of the Families in Transition Working Committee in Tulsa County. Making Oklahoma the first state to pass Parenting Coordination legislation, this committee wrote the "Parenting Coordinator Act" in 2001 which was amended in 2003. This Act defined parenting coordination and established requirements for professionals who are interested in practicing Parenting Coordination. This committee also wrote the Order Appointing Parenting Coordinator courts still use in its amended form. Ms. Trotter is listed on the approved list of Custody Evaluators at: http://www.tulsacountydistrictcourt.org/resources.html. See her website at www.treytrotter.com for additional information. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-375883739332637054.post-5450787429975941392013-01-31T08:31:00.001-06:002013-06-05T14:16:16.125-05:00Choosing Change Before Change Chooses You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitBRq6uuVUx_UZG7TPKhoAD64Fs-PFSna0aUU113jV7TyJ61H4oBFkzxm1fzKZkzKySrqsGDRzCoM9TsDCXYvN_K-6wwsyntS9ck99OBBokcl0LLHKqzJWCb3YCedCOAsqPPAuqFmi_8gG/s640/blogger-image-625430485.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitBRq6uuVUx_UZG7TPKhoAD64Fs-PFSna0aUU113jV7TyJ61H4oBFkzxm1fzKZkzKySrqsGDRzCoM9TsDCXYvN_K-6wwsyntS9ck99OBBokcl0LLHKqzJWCb3YCedCOAsqPPAuqFmi_8gG/s320/blogger-image-625430485.jpg" unselectable="on" width="315"></a></div><br>
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Is it hard for you to make changes? <br>
<br>
Do you tend to resist changes? Even changes that might be good for you?<br>
<br>
If so you might be like many people... what is familiar is what is comfortable~ even when it's not working for us.<br>
<br>
So why do people tend to resist change?<br>
<br>
People resist change for many reasons; <br>
<br>
Maybe you don't know where to go for resources you need to make the transition...<br>
<br>
Maybe you want to avoid the embarrassment that a public divorce or separation might cause you or your family... <br>
<br>
Maybe you don't have the skills that you need to work through or resolve a situation...<br>
<br>
Maybe you don't have enough information to make this decision...<br>
<br>
Or maybe it's not that you are resisting change~ but your loved ones are. You're ready for a different direction but your loved ones aren't and, though well-intentioned, they actually do things that feel more like sabotage than support...<br>
<br>
It has been said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again hoping for a different result. This is precisely what happens when we don't choose change.<br>
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The problem is that change will find us... whether we are ready for it or not. Change is inevitable. Change is constant. Since we can predict that change will happen, wouldn't you rather choose change and have some input into the direction of your life rather than to allow change to choose you?<br>
<br>
Ms. Trotter has been conducting counseling with individuals, couples, children, adolescents, and families for approximately twenty years. Now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a webcam, smartphone or tablet. Visit her website at www.treytrotter.com for additional information. <br>
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<img height="96" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitBRq6uuVUx_UZG7TPKhoAD64Fs-PFSna0aUU113jV7TyJ61H4oBFkzxm1fzKZkzKySrqsGDRzCoM9TsDCXYvN_K-6wwsyntS9ck99OBBokcl0LLHKqzJWCb3YCedCOAsqPPAuqFmi_8gG/s640/blogger-image-625430485.jpg" style="left: 325px; opacity: 0.3; position: absolute; top: -9px;" width="94">Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07998897698502283659noreply@blogger.com0