Talk, Talk, Talk. The Problem With Communication Is... (Part 1 of 3)

A lot of my divorce clients have told me over the years, "Trey, if we could talk like this we wouldn't be getting a divorce!"  I've been thinking a lot about that statement.  My divorce clients have got it right.

All sustainable relationships require communication.  When I was growing up, communication skills were not taught in mainstream school, at church, or even Campfire Girls.  So what exactly is communication?  

In an effort to answer this question, I went to the dictionary.  What I found stopped me in my tracks.  Communication was defined as, "An act or instance of transmitting 2 a : information transmitted or b : a verbal or written message 3 a : a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior; the function of pheromones in insect."

The problem with this dictionary's definition of communication is consistent with the communication difficulties I have found in my clients over the years.  The act of listening is nowhere to be found.

I guess I always considered communication to be a two-way street.  And most of my clients who complain of communication difficulties are actually complaining  of not feeling heard.  So what is the deal?

My clients, whether they're single, married, or divorced, most often have zero difficulties communicating- consistent with how the dictionary defined communication.  However, knowing how to talk is not most  people's problem.  We begin learning to communicate as infants through gurgles and coos.  But what if nobody listened?  Are we better at listening to babies than we are listening to adults?

The key to effective communication is found in the listening...

In my next article, "Listen Listen Listen...The Key to Effective Communication Part 2 of 3," I will discuss the key points in listening.  And think about this;  If you were in a forest talking out loud and nobody was there to hear it, would that be considered communication?

Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice.  She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995.  You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet.  Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

Marriage Counseling
Pre-Marital Counseling
Anger Management
Emotional Regulation
Stress
Anxiety
Depression
Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity
Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents
Aging Issues
Infidelity
ADHD
Reconciliation Therapy
Family, Adolescents and Children's issues
LGBT
Communication Issues
Conflict Resolution Difficulties

Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

Mediation
Parenting Coordination
Custody Evaluations
Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations
Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges
Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children
Adoption Home Studies

Visit Ms. Trotter's website at http://www.treytrotter.com for additional information.