Showing posts with label Trey Trotter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trey Trotter. Show all posts

Jul 18, 2014

"To Be or Not to Be… A Creative Way to Instill Self-Confidence, Discipline, and Fortitude in Your Children"




Looking for something different, beneficial, and fun for your children to do?  Consider community theater!

Taking part in community theater can be a major growth opportunity for children.  Recently participating in a play proved to be a profound experience.  The children involved in the production gained valuable skills in three major areas of life:  self-confidence, discipline, and fortitude.  

Self-Confidence:  
The socio-psychological concept of self-confidence relates to self-assuredness in one's personal judgment, ability, power, etc.

At the beginning of play practices, the actors were involved in several warm-up exercises that proved to be skill-building in terms of confidence.  These activities required the child actors to speak loudly and quickly, to pay close attention to what was going on, and to be deliberate in their actions.  Additionally, the director allowed the actors to have input into developing their characters in the play.  Because of this, it was quickly apparent that all the children, including the shy ones, began trusting their judgment.  The children became more and more confident in their abilities as the director continued to incorporate their suggestions.  The children seemed encouraged and began trusting their abilities even further as practices continued.  All these engaging experiences during practice brought a fun, creative and lightness to confidence-building.  It was really amazing to watch the transformation in the children's self-confidence levels!

Training and control of oneself and one's conduct, usually for personal improvement.


Play practices occurred almost nightly for a few hours during the first part of summer.  This left very little time for typical summer activities including boating, vacationing, etc.  Yet as the play gained momentum and as the children made new friends, the children grew more enthusiastic which in turn correlated with growth in their discipline levels.  The children seemed to realize that they were a part of something bigger than themselves;  their fellow actors depended upon them to be there (if one of the actors missed practice, another actor would have to read his/her lines.)  The children noticed and commented on the impacts of participation levels on their "synergy" with their fellow actors.  This accountability correlated with their discipline.  The children also had opportunities to gain self-discipline as they had to be quiet when other actors were acting and as they had to be patient while waiting to act in their scenes.  Through team and confidence building exercises, and through the interdependence that evolved between the actors, the children developed a strong sense of teamwork and discipline.  Though there were time and social challenges, the amount of self-discipline cultivated in the children was astounding!  

Mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously: 

We had an excellent director.  She was respectfully direct with the children and gave constructive criticism.  After her first initial corrections, and after the children got over the shock and embarrassment, the director would not allow time for self-pity.  Instead she kept working with the children by encouraging and pushing them to keep going.  The children would repeat their scenes over and over and weren't allowed the option of giving up;  they started getting it right and became increasingly proud of themselves.  The children kept plowing ahead and worked through the director's corrections.  The process of constructive feedback, which sometimes was difficult to hear, could have lead to the temptation to give up.  But the children didn't.  The director truly believed in every child's ability to work through their challenges, and it showed.  The children responded very well to her direction.  Additionally, the director taught the children to "stay in character" whenever they made mistakes.  She also taught them to make something out of the mistakes they made.  Through all of these processes, the children persevered.  They discovered that although things didn't always go smoothly, they had the mental and emotional strength to keep going.  The other actors were also very supportive which added to the positive momentum of the children's fortitude.

In sum, the entire theater experience taught the children positive skills for their development, including self-confidence, self-discipline, and fortitude.  The children learned how to speak and act in front of people, including live audiences, which required a lot of self-confidence.  They learned discipline and teamwork through attending and participating in play practices.  They learned fortitude as they learned the importance of forging ahead when they made mistakes, how to make something out of the mistakes they made, and how to take and implement constructive criticism and feedback.  

This is an experience that will undoubtedly change the children for the good.  They will hopefully take these lessons and apply them in their own lives as they mature.  For anyone looking for a creative and fun way to help children gain valuable life skills, get them involved in community theater.  Shakespeare once said, "To be or not to be…"  If your children need help with self-confidence, self- discipline and fortitude, give them the opportunity to "be" and to develop these skills through participating in community theater! 

This article is dedicated to Director Kelli Graves, Stage Manager Ryan Brown, as well as the amazing cast and crew involved in the production of Bob Perry's "The Broken Statue."  Thank you for giving all of the children a safe and encouraging place to grow and to gain valuable life skills!






Jul 30, 2013

The Stuffers vs. The Trigger Tempers... Part 2 of 2~ Taming Trigger Tempers


Have you ever been so mad that you blacked out?  A sort of "tunnel vision" prevails and you might hear a roaring in your ears?  Your heart pounds, your palms sweat, or your teeth grind?  If so, you are most likely a very passionate person and you lead with your emotions instead of your head.  You may have a trigger temper and this article is for you!

In my first article in this series of two, "The Stuffers vs. The Trigger Tempers... Part 1 of 2~ The Antidote to Stuffing," we discussed that the antidote to "stuffing" your emotions is to learn how to assert yourself in uncomfortable situations in a respectful, responsible, and consistent way.  This article will discuss how to manage explosive tempers.

Years ago I was working the protective order docket at a courthouse and I heard a person testify, "Judge!  I can't help it!  When she pushes my buttons I see red and it's over!"  I had the opportunity to talk to the gentleman after the hearing.  I asked him what he noticed happens to his body when he gets upset.  He replied that he starts clenching his fists.  I told him that the next time he and his spouse argue to notice when his fists clench, and at that very moment to enact some sort of anger management skill.  He said he would by taking a time-out and leaving the house next time.

The first important point to this story is that your emotions are intertwined with your body.  When stressed, your body produces chemicals such as epinephrine and norepinephrine.  As a result, you may notice that you begin to experience physical changes like flushing, paling, prickly sensations, numbness, sweating, muscle tension, or body temperature changes.  These physiological changes are often referred to as "biological cues."  It is imperative to pay attention to these biological cues because if they go unnoticed, it is possible that a bad situation could escalate very quickly into something worse.  

The second important point to this story is expanding your sense of time and urgency during a conflict.  For many people with trigger tempers, taking a time-out as soon as your notice your biological cues is the most helpful thing you can do.  You can't resolve anything when you're upset anyway, and the time-out will create emotional distance from the person you're in conflict with which will allow you time to think your way through the situation, something that is very difficult to do when you are in it.  Common ways to manage your anger through self-soothing include:

  • Get relaxed- take a time-out, take deep breaths to slow your heart rate, go for a walk, listen to music, take a hot bath

  • Get physical- work out, run, shoot baskets, clean your house

  • Get distracted- do some paperwork, read, play a video game

  • Talk with someone- vent to a supportive family member or friend

  • Remember, if you have an explosive temper, you are most likely a very passionate person and you can learn to manage your temper.  You can learn ways to self- soothe.  And you can learn to manage your emotions so that you can calm down enough to think your way through a stressful situation, rather than react to it.  

    Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice.  She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

    Pre-Marital Counseling
    Anger Management
    Emotional Regulation
    Stress
    Anxiety
    Depression
    Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity
    Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents
    Aging Issues
    Infidelity
    ADHD
    Reconciliation Therapy
    Family, Adolescents and Children's issues
    LGBT
    Communication Issues
    Conflict Resolution Difficulties


    Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

    Parenting Coordination
    Custody Evaluations
    Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations
    Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges
    Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children
    Adoption Home Studies


    May 8, 2013

    Talk, Talk, Talk. The Problem With Communication Is... (Part 1 of 3)



    A lot of my divorce clients have told me over the years, "Trey, if we could talk like this we wouldn't be getting a divorce!"  I've been thinking a lot about that statement.  My divorce clients have got it right.

    All sustainable relationships require communication.  When I was growing up, communication skills were not taught in mainstream school, at church, or even Campfire Girls.  So what exactly is communication?  

    In an effort to answer this question, I went to the dictionary.  What I found stopped me in my tracks.  Communication was defined as, "An act or instance of transmitting 2 a : information transmitted or b : a verbal or written message 3 a : a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior; the function of pheromones in insect."

    The problem with this dictionary's definition of communication is consistent with the communication difficulties I have found in my clients over the years.  The act of listening is nowhere to be found.

    I guess I always considered communication to be a two-way street.  And most of my clients who complain of communication difficulties are actually complaining  of not feeling heard.  So what is the deal?

    My clients, whether they're single, married, or divorced, most often have zero difficulties communicating- consistent with how the dictionary defined communication.  However, knowing how to talk is not most  people's problem.  We begin learning to communicate as infants through gurgles and coos.  But what if nobody listened?  Are we better at listening to babies than we are listening to adults?

    The key to effective communication is found in the listening...

    In my next article, "Listen Listen Listen...The Key to Effective Communication Part 2 of 3," I will discuss the key points in listening.  And think about this;  If you were in a forest talking out loud and nobody was there to hear it, would that be considered communication?

    Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice.  She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995.  You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet.  Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

    Marriage Counseling
    Pre-Marital Counseling
    Anger Management
    Emotional Regulation
    Stress
    Anxiety
    Depression
    Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity
    Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents
    Aging Issues
    Infidelity
    ADHD
    Reconciliation Therapy
    Family, Adolescents and Children's issues
    LGBT
    Communication Issues
    Conflict Resolution Difficulties

    Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

    Mediation
    Parenting Coordination
    Custody Evaluations
    Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations
    Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges
    Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children
    Adoption Home Studies

    Visit Ms. Trotter's website at http://www.treytrotter.com for additional information.