Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts

Jul 18, 2014

"To Be or Not to Be… A Creative Way to Instill Self-Confidence, Discipline, and Fortitude in Your Children"




Looking for something different, beneficial, and fun for your children to do?  Consider community theater!

Taking part in community theater can be a major growth opportunity for children.  Recently participating in a play proved to be a profound experience.  The children involved in the production gained valuable skills in three major areas of life:  self-confidence, discipline, and fortitude.  

Self-Confidence:  
The socio-psychological concept of self-confidence relates to self-assuredness in one's personal judgment, ability, power, etc.

At the beginning of play practices, the actors were involved in several warm-up exercises that proved to be skill-building in terms of confidence.  These activities required the child actors to speak loudly and quickly, to pay close attention to what was going on, and to be deliberate in their actions.  Additionally, the director allowed the actors to have input into developing their characters in the play.  Because of this, it was quickly apparent that all the children, including the shy ones, began trusting their judgment.  The children became more and more confident in their abilities as the director continued to incorporate their suggestions.  The children seemed encouraged and began trusting their abilities even further as practices continued.  All these engaging experiences during practice brought a fun, creative and lightness to confidence-building.  It was really amazing to watch the transformation in the children's self-confidence levels!

Training and control of oneself and one's conduct, usually for personal improvement.


Play practices occurred almost nightly for a few hours during the first part of summer.  This left very little time for typical summer activities including boating, vacationing, etc.  Yet as the play gained momentum and as the children made new friends, the children grew more enthusiastic which in turn correlated with growth in their discipline levels.  The children seemed to realize that they were a part of something bigger than themselves;  their fellow actors depended upon them to be there (if one of the actors missed practice, another actor would have to read his/her lines.)  The children noticed and commented on the impacts of participation levels on their "synergy" with their fellow actors.  This accountability correlated with their discipline.  The children also had opportunities to gain self-discipline as they had to be quiet when other actors were acting and as they had to be patient while waiting to act in their scenes.  Through team and confidence building exercises, and through the interdependence that evolved between the actors, the children developed a strong sense of teamwork and discipline.  Though there were time and social challenges, the amount of self-discipline cultivated in the children was astounding!  

Mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously: 

We had an excellent director.  She was respectfully direct with the children and gave constructive criticism.  After her first initial corrections, and after the children got over the shock and embarrassment, the director would not allow time for self-pity.  Instead she kept working with the children by encouraging and pushing them to keep going.  The children would repeat their scenes over and over and weren't allowed the option of giving up;  they started getting it right and became increasingly proud of themselves.  The children kept plowing ahead and worked through the director's corrections.  The process of constructive feedback, which sometimes was difficult to hear, could have lead to the temptation to give up.  But the children didn't.  The director truly believed in every child's ability to work through their challenges, and it showed.  The children responded very well to her direction.  Additionally, the director taught the children to "stay in character" whenever they made mistakes.  She also taught them to make something out of the mistakes they made.  Through all of these processes, the children persevered.  They discovered that although things didn't always go smoothly, they had the mental and emotional strength to keep going.  The other actors were also very supportive which added to the positive momentum of the children's fortitude.

In sum, the entire theater experience taught the children positive skills for their development, including self-confidence, self-discipline, and fortitude.  The children learned how to speak and act in front of people, including live audiences, which required a lot of self-confidence.  They learned discipline and teamwork through attending and participating in play practices.  They learned fortitude as they learned the importance of forging ahead when they made mistakes, how to make something out of the mistakes they made, and how to take and implement constructive criticism and feedback.  

This is an experience that will undoubtedly change the children for the good.  They will hopefully take these lessons and apply them in their own lives as they mature.  For anyone looking for a creative and fun way to help children gain valuable life skills, get them involved in community theater.  Shakespeare once said, "To be or not to be…"  If your children need help with self-confidence, self- discipline and fortitude, give them the opportunity to "be" and to develop these skills through participating in community theater! 

This article is dedicated to Director Kelli Graves, Stage Manager Ryan Brown, as well as the amazing cast and crew involved in the production of Bob Perry's "The Broken Statue."  Thank you for giving all of the children a safe and encouraging place to grow and to gain valuable life skills!






Feb 6, 2014

Welcome to my Blog!!!


WELCOME TO MY BLOG!!!
I'm glad you found me!!!
                                                
My hope is that by reading my blogs you will gain some useful information in mastering life's problems.  My blog posts will cover a variety of topics, including relationships, marriage, divorce, anxiety, ADHD, conflict, communication, and many more topics.  My writings will also offer some insights into my style as a therapist.  

Please understand I take my work very, very seriously.  When I use humor, keep in mind I am not making light of any past, present, or future client's situation. I work in an extremely stressful profession and I use humor at times to neutralize the somber nature of my work. 

Also, in my blogs, I sometimes give examples of clients' stories with whom I have worked with over the years.  I have taken GREAT CREATIVE LIBERTY, (changing names, gender, ages, story lines, etc.), to protect my clients' privacy. 

So, welcome!!!
p.s.
I am very lucky indeed.  I do what I love and I love what I do.  




Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice.  She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

Marriage Counseling
Pre-Marital Counseling
Anger Management
Emotional Regulation
Stress
Anxiety
Depression
Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity
Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents
Aging Issues
Infidelity
ADHD
Reconciliation Therapy
Family, Adolescents and Children's issues
LGBT
Communication Issues
Conflict Resolution Difficulties


Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

Mediation
Parenting Coordination
Custody Evaluations
Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations
Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges
Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children
Adoption Home Studies

Visit Ms. Trotter's website at http://www.treytrotter.com for additional information.

Apr 26, 2013

How Do You Make a Cat Bark? If You Can't Change Your Ex Who Can You Change?



You know you can't control another person.  All you truly have control over is yourself.  So why is it when you get divorced, you expect your ex is going to wake up and just magically "get it?"  

You keep hoping your ex will stop bad-mouthing you, stop picking fights with you, or start seeing the children regularly.  Why do you do that?  If your ex hasn't been doing the things you are wanting already, then you're probably trying to make a cat bark.  In other words, you're trying to control another person through your expectation of that person.

So what do you do instead?

You change your expectation of your ex.  Expect your ex is going to continue bad-mouthing you.  Expect that your ex is going to continue picking fights with you.  Expect that your ex is not going to be consistent in spending time with the children.

When you accept your ex's behavior instead of hoping and/or expecting it to change, you will experience freedom.  For suggestions on how to cope with the negative aspects of co-parenting with the ex, view "Getting Thrown Under the Bus?  It's a Waste of Time To Go After the Bus Driver (Handling Bad-Mouthing by the Ex)."  Keep in mind that accepting your ex's behavior is not the same as agreeing with it.

Remember, you cannot change your ex.  You cannot make a cat bark.  But you can change your expectation and stop driving yourself crazy.  And maybe, just maybe, if your ex does happen to start behaving better, you will be happily surprised.  Either way~ if you change your expectation of your ex or your ex actually changes, your children win because you are less stressed.


Ms. Trotter has been conducting counseling with individuals, couples, children, adolescents, and families for approximately twenty years.  She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3.  See Ms. Trotter's website at http://www.treytrotter.com for additional information.

Apr 22, 2013

Pro-Acting Vs. Reacting: Am I Managing My Life or Reacting to It?


What do eating disorders, encopresis, cutting, infidelity, and OCD have in common?  The answer might surprise you; the quest for control and peace.

From children traumatized by domestic violence or abuse, to adolescents who didn't make the cheerleading squad, to people who feel as though they have no power in their marriage/relationship, to people who have lost a loved one, and people who have obsessive thoughts, they all have something in common. They all feel out of control of their lives and find themselves doing desperate things to cope.

Choosing not to eat, defacating in underpants, engaging in inappropriate relationships, mutilating one's body, hoarding items, and counting, checking, or washing repeatedly are all examples of attempts to control something and to find peace. The problem is, all these behaviors often result in very negative consequences that make the person doing them feel even more out of control.

Sometimes the most helpful thing we can learn is that we have more power than what we realize. Not necessarily over external events, but rather our attachment to our experiences. By learning healthy coping, we can influence and shape our experience of those negative events, bothersome thoughts and troubling emotions.

How? By learning to make pro-active rather than reactive choices. When we move from reacting to pro-acting, we are learning to experience healthy control. Therapy can help with this change. In therapy, you can learn healthy control by: choosing to go to the bathroom instead of holding it, making healthy eating choices rather than not eating at all, facing and working on power imbalances in relationships rather than straying, learning self-empowering tools for coping rather than cutting one's body, and by parting with an inanimate objects and learning that nothing bad is going to happen.

The shift of moving from reactive to proactive is a learning process. You may have been coping reactively rather than proactively for years, but you can still learn how cope in a way that empowers you. It requires a willingness to look beyond what seems to be the most readily available option. The process also requires discipline and often therapeutic support.

But if what you're doing isn't working for you, maybe ask yourself this question: Am I managing my life or reacting to it? If I'm reacting and feeling out of control, maybe it's time to learn how to move to a pro-active lifestyle.

Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice.  She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995.  You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet.  Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

Marriage Counseling
Pre-Marital Counseling
Anger Management
Emotional Regulation
Stress
Anxiety
Depression
Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity
Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents
Aging Issues
Infidelity
ADHD
Reconciliation Therapy
Family, Adolescents and Children's issues
LGBT
Communication Issues
Conflict Resolution Difficulties

Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

Mediation
Parenting Coordination
Custody Evaluations
Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations
Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges
Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children
Adoption Home Studies

Visit Ms. Trotter's website at http://www.treytrotter.com for additional information.



Feb 4, 2013

Getting Thrown Under the Bus? It's a Waste of Time to go After the BusDriver (Handling Bad-Mouthing by the Ex:)



So you find yourself separated or divorced and your children are telling you how your ex is constantly throwing you under the bus. How do you handle your emotions in those frustrating moments?

First, keep in mind that it's okay to feel hurt or angry by what you're hearing. Just remember you always have a choice in how you respond or react with your own behavior.

Second, children learn more by what they see than what they hear. Keep your behavior in check by asking yourself, "Is my behavior in this moment showing my children how to respond should they find themselves in this situation some day?"

Third, it's true your ex may have placed your children in the middle by throwing you under the bus. However, if you react negatively to what you are hearing, you are keeping them there. Instead try something like, "I'm sorry that you had to hear that. How did you feel when the other parent said that?" Then process your children's feelings in a supportive way, again without retaliating against the bad-mouthing parent.

Fourth, remember, your children are made up of each of you. When they hear something negative about you from the other parent, they don't hear it about that you as intended. Rather they hear it as an attack on themselves and they need your support, not your negative reaction.

Lastly, the best way to handle bad-mouthing by an ex is to resolve your emotions about your ex so that ultimately their opinion means nothing to you. Then you'll be in a better position to focus on your children's needs rather than your hurt or anger. You will be in a better position to demonstrate for your children how you would want them to handle someone bad-mouthing them someday.

Children are smart and they are learning something about each of you; whether there is bad-mouthing happening, or good role-modeling happening. Either way, they'll be thanking one of you and most likely resenting the other.

Ms. Trotter has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. She is also a trained Parenting Coordinator. In 1999, Ms. Trotter was a member of the Families in Transition Working Committee in Tulsa County. Making Oklahoma the first state to pass Parenting Coordination legislation, this committee wrote the "Parenting Coordinator Act" in 2001 which was amended in 2003. This Act defined parenting coordination and established requirements for professionals who are interested in practicing Parenting Coordination. This committee also wrote the Order Appointing Parenting Coordinator courts still use in its amended form. Ms. Trotter is listed on the approved list of Custody Evaluators at: http://www.tulsacountydistrictcourt.org/resources.html. See her website at www.treytrotter.com for additional information.