Welcome to my Blog!!!

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!!!

I'm glad you found me!!!

                                                

My hope is that by reading my blogs you will gain some useful information in mastering life's problems.  My blog posts will cover a variety of topics, including relationships, marriage, divorce, anxiety, ADHD, conflict, communication, and many more topics.  My writings will also offer some insights into my style as a therapist.  

Please understand I take my work very, very seriously.  When I use humor, keep in mind I am not making light of any past, present, or future client's situation. I work in an extremely stressful profession and I use humor at times to neutralize the somber nature of my work. 

Also, in my blogs, I sometimes give examples of clients' stories with whom I have worked with over the years.  I have taken GREAT CREATIVE LIBERTY, (changing names, gender, ages, story lines, etc.), to protect my clients' privacy. 

So, welcome!!!

p.s.

I am very lucky indeed.  I do what I love and I love what I do.  

Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice.  She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

Marriage Counseling
Pre-Marital Counseling
Anger Management
Emotional Regulation
Stress
Anxiety
Depression
Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity
Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents
Aging Issues
Infidelity
ADHD
Reconciliation Therapy
Family, Adolescents and Children's issues
LGBT
Communication Issues
Conflict Resolution Difficulties

Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

Mediation
Parenting Coordination
Custody Evaluations
Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations
Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges
Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children
Adoption Home Studies

Visit Ms. Trotter's website at http://www.treytrotter.com for additional information.

How Could You!?!? 10 Simple Tips to Increase Positive Interactions WithYour Partner:

Have you ever found yourself unemployed and sending out resumés to get a job? Typically for every 10-15 resumés you send out you'll receive 1 response back. So what happens if you only send out 8 resumés? Or if you send out 10 but don't send out any more? What if the one company call you received wasn't the one you were hoping for? Most likely, you won't be successful in landing that "ideal" and "fulfilling" job.

In order to sustain an "ideal" and "fulfilling" relationship, John Gottman, researcher and renowned relational specialist in the field of psychology posits in order for a relationship to thrive you must exhibit 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction. That's certainly better odds than receiving 1 in 10-15 responses from sending out your resumés.

So the question is this; If your relationship is not ideal and fulfilling, how could you increase your number of positive interactions with your partner? It may take a conscience effort to do so, regardless of whether you receive feedback right away from your partner. But if you don't make that effort, your relationship's odds of being "ideal" and "fulfilling" will slowly stack against you.

Here are 10 simple tips to increase your positive interactions with your partner:

1. Use humor.
2. Flirt.
3. Give sincere compliments.
4. Show appreciation.
5. Listen.
6. Date each other.
7. Use "I" statements when you're upset.
8. Surprise your partner by cleaning the house.
9. Hug when you get home from work.
10. Make a date to meet for lunch.

Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice in Tulsa & Ponca City, Oklahoma. She has been conducting counseling with individuals, couples, children, adolescents, and families for approximately twenty years. You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a webcam, and a smartphone, laptop, or tablet. Visit her website at www.treytrotter.com for additional information.

Opposites Do Attract! Just Not in the Way You Might Think...

Do opposites really attract? 

Based upon what I have experienced in working with couples, I have seen the answer unfold time and time again but not in the way you might think... 

Years ago I was working with a couple who wanted their marriage to be better.  They had been married for over ten years and the husband had an affair toward the beginning of their marriage.  The husband told his wife he had the affair because she was too controlling.  They did not go to counseling.  They stayed together and over time a "parent-child" pattern developed in their marriage.  The wife was the "parent" and her husband was the "child."  The wife explained she had been so hurt by her husband's infidelity she began attempting to control all her husband's actions.  But each time the wife told her husband what to do, he would react and do the exact opposite of what she had directed.  He eventually had another affair in what he said was an effort to again gain "independence" from his wife. 

The wife was in no way responsible for how her husband coped with their relationship pattern. It always takes two to make or break a relationship. 

However, had the wife attended counseling earlier, she would have discovered how her individual insecurities, due to the infidelity in her own parent's marriage, affected the way she treated her husband.  She would have been able to see how attempting to control her husband was actually pushing him away and learned instead how to give him space and to feel secure doing so. Had the husband been in counseling earlier, he would have learned how to assert himself in the relationship long before he committed the first infidelity which could have challenged rather than endorsed the "parent-child" pattern.  He would have learned that by reacting to his wife's control, through having affairs, he was actually contributing to his wife's insecurities thereby contributing to her controlling behavior toward him.  They both would have learned how to cope with their insecurities in ways that would have brought them closer rather than tear them apart. 

There is a happy ending here.  Through marriage counseling my client and her husband were able to correct their power imbalance and to restore their relationship from a "parent-child" relationship to a "partner-partner" relationship.  They both reported feeling like they were in a much more "real" and satisfying place than ever.

So my answer is yes.  Opposites do attract but in this way... 

If what you are doing is getting you the opposite of what you want, you must do the opposite of what you are doing in order to get what you want!!!

Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice.  She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995.  You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet.  Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

Marriage Counseling
Pre-Marital Counseling
Anger Management
Emotional Regulation
Stress
Anxiety
Depression
Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity
Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents
Aging Issues
Infidelity
ADHD
Reconciliation Therapy
Family, Adolescents and Children's issues
LGBT
Communication Issues
Conflict Resolution Difficulties

Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

Mediation
Parenting Coordination
Custody Evaluations
Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations
Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges
Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children
Adoption Home Studies

Visit Ms. Trotter's website at http://www.treytrotter.com for additional information.

Note:
As a reminder, all stories regarding clients are being repeated with permission. However, great creative liberty has been taken as names, gender, ages content, etc. have been changed to protect the identity of these clients.

Choosing Change Before Change Chooses You

Is it hard for you to make changes?

Do you tend to resist changes? Even changes that might be good for you?

If so you might be like many people... what is familiar is what is comfortable~ even when it's not working for us.

So why do people tend to resist change?

People resist change for many reasons;

Maybe you don't know where to go for resources you need to make the transition...

Maybe you want to avoid the embarrassment that a public divorce or separation might cause you or your family...

Maybe you don't have the skills that you need to work through or resolve a situation...

Maybe you don't have enough information to make this decision...

Or maybe it's not that you are resisting change~ but your loved ones are. You're ready for a different direction but your loved ones aren't and, though well-intentioned, they actually do things that feel more like sabotage than support...

It has been said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again hoping for a different result. This is precisely what happens when we don't choose change.

The problem is that change will find us... whether we are ready for it or not. Change is inevitable. Change is constant. Since we can predict that change will happen, wouldn't you rather choose change and have some input into the direction of your life rather than to allow change to choose you?

Ms. Trotter has been conducting counseling with individuals, couples, children, adolescents, and families for approximately twenty years. Now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a webcam, smartphone or tablet. Visit her website at www.treytrotter.com for additional information.