Don't Just Say Something Stand There! Doing Nothing is Sometimes Best:

We've all heard people say, "Don't just stand there, do something!" However, sometimes the best thing you can do is to simply do nothing.

I had a client who desperately wanted to reconcile with his wife. In the beginning of the separation she had reportedly said she wanted to reconcile as well, but that my client was driving her crazy. He kept doing things for his wife despite her objections. He paid her car payment, her phone bill, her utilities. He sent flowers to her work, left her notes on her car, texted her repeatedly. He was so desperate to "win" her back that he couldn't see how he was pushing her away.

He came to a session with me and despite my educating him about distancing/pursuing patterns and my giving him repeated advice to back off, my client kept pursuing her. Eventually his wife obtained a protective order against him for harassment and then divorced him. When he received the divorce papers, my client told me that he had a revelation; HE NEEDED TO TRY EVEN HARDER!

Several months later, my client told me that it wasn't until one night when he was sitting in jail after violating his protective order repeatedly, he finally understood what I had been trying to tell him.

He should have just stood there and done "nothing."

Ms. Trotter is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist in private practice.  She has been conducting therapy with children, adolescents, teens, families, individuals, and couples since 1995.  You may now see a therapist from the privacy of your own home if you have a web cam, and a laptop smart phone or tablet.  Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

Marriage Counseling
Pre-Marital Counseling
Anger Management
Emotional Regulation
Stress
Anxiety
Depression
Couples' Issues Including Sexual Problems and Infidelity
Co-Parenting with Separating or Divorced Parents
Aging Issues
Infidelity
ADHD
Reconciliation Therapy
Family, Adolescents and Children's issues
LGBT
Communication Issues
Conflict Resolution Difficulties

Ms. Trotter also works with the courts, providing therapeutic support to those involved in a family court case. She has been trained in Family and Divorce Mediation 12 O.S. § 1825, and has specialized in Domestic Abuse and Child Custody Mediation pursuant to 43 O.S. § 107.3. Ms. Trotter is accepting referrals for:

Mediation
Parenting Coordination
Custody Evaluations
Limited Scope Visitation Evaluations
Supervised (Including Therapeutic), Monitored Visitation & Exchanges
Reconciliation Therapy for Estranged Parents & Children
Adoption Home Studies

Visit Ms. Trotter's website at http://www.treytrotter.com for additional information.

Note:
As a reminder, all stories regarding clients are being repeated with permission. However, great creative liberty has been taken as names, gender, ages content, etc. have been changed to protect the identity of these clients.